Thanks to dictionary.com, I can quote the following definition for a "leech".
"To drain the essence or exhaust the resources of."
So off I was from the city on a quick bus to Harmon Meadow, where my fellow idiots met up to be served some good (and cheap) pitchers of Pennsylvania beer from five and a halfers walking around with hooters type clothing. Seems this would be the last time we'd meet together before Germany.
Anyway, in my mind, eating and drinking is good for your body, generally, and helps the blood flow and circulate, as does walking, cheering and again, in my mind, just lounging around. Full of circulating blood (red blood) we all headed over to the stadium and discovered the parking lot filled with Ecuadorians and Colombians all there to watch the Red Bulls. I still don't understand why their tickets said the MLS match started at 8:30.
I digress, only because we all thought to ourselves (and to each other) "can you imagine if every Red Bull game was like this?" Well it isn't and it won't be.
So it all started there. We saw a great turnout for a game not involving our team. There goes the first pint.
Getting into the stadium, albeit a little pale, we notice about 10-15% of the eventual crowd there, and checking the concessions, also noticed that the Red Bull jerseys are still not available for purchase. We paid $85 for a 16 oz. beer and went down to our seats. Collectively, there goes the second and maybe the third pint.
Now, on to the festivities. We all know that a leech is any of the various chiefly aquatic bloodsucking or carnivorous annelid worms of the class Hirudinea, of which one species was formerly used by physicians to bleed patients and is now sometimes used as a temporary aid to circulation during surgical reattachment of a body part. Because our cooler was filled with beer and not a leg, we all ignored the second part of that definition and sat to watch our beloved Red Bulls. Its common knowledge that a bull is an adult male bovine mammal. Some mammals, based on common knowledge, are carnivores, while other weirdos decide to be vegans. The vegan comment has nothing to do with anything, other then to point out that they're weird.
So, getting back to my thesis, both the leech and the bull are carnivores, so, they are pretty much identical creatures right down to their ear lobes (if leeches had ears). Now that I've proven that, lets continue to the 90 minute medical procedure performed on the idiots by Dr. Mo and his staff which began at approximately 6:30 pm. With every missed tackle, bad pass, missed shot, blown coverage, stumble, slip and uninspired play, they systematically removed the remaining pints of blood from our bodies. We did everything we could to replenish the lost fluids with beer, but there's only so many $85 Buds one group can buy.
The Red Leeches once again lost a lead and gave up two late goals to a better-in-the-standings Dallas team. While Nurse Graham (yes, there are male nurses) fell over himself to make sure Ruiz got the game winner, Dr. Mo continued to make sure our number one intern watched from the bench. So, pale and weak, we all looked around and clamored for that small glass of orange juice to make sure we didn't faint.
In conclusion, I've now become a casual observing mammal, a dingo that never strikes if you will. I watch two soccer teams play for three points because I love the game. In the eleven years I've been watching the MetroStars/Red Bulls, I can whole heartedly admit that the visiting team has, on more occasions, been the better and more entertaining team. Not exactly sure when I'll be donating blood again.